What do you think is the most talked about topic amongst women? I don’t have the numbers, and I didn’t carry out any form of survey. But, quite frankly, the answer to that question isn’t far fetched at all.
We women talk about men a whole lot. Much more than we will willingly actually admit. And one of the reasons for that is one single phenomenon; Marriage. From the moment an average Nigerian girl comes of age, one of the things that take up residence in her mind is marriage.
The very funny thing though is; you would think that this average Nigerian girl would have ample time to learn all there is about marriage, considering the number of years she spends thinking about the topic. But this isn’t usually the case, she barely even thinks of marriage past the peripheral. As a matter of fact, it is usually one swift free-fall toward the big day.
It is easy to get caught up in marriage fantasies. But you should be more caught up in making sure to have a lasting and happy marriage. Here are 5 things experts recommend you know before you say I do.
What are your values?
This is really the bedrock of a person’s existence. Values are principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgment of what is important in life. You really cannot expect to know your purpose or what you want out of life if you don’t know what is important in life. Women who don’t know what their values are will usually say yes to whoever asks. When they get married, virtually everything will be at a tangent; nothing will align. At this point, everything happiness just flies out the window.
Your husband’s world won’t revolve around you.
Women heretically think that the existence of a husband in their lives will finally, finally set things right for them. News flash darling; it won’t. If you don’t have a life now, you won’t miraculously have one after you get married. To have a life, in this case, means that you have interests and activities, particularly outside your marriage, which make your life enjoyable and worthwhile. Don’t expect that your husband will put his living on hold to accommodate your drab life. You will only set yourself up for deep loneliness. Have hobbies. Have a job. Have your own money. Have your independence.
You’re not just marrying your husband; you’re marrying his family too.
Marriage is usually so shiny from outside. But inside, it is so much work. You see, when you get married, you inherit the obligations and stresses of a whole new family. A huge part of that includes ensuring that you get along superbly with your in-laws. Many women don’t take this fact into cognizance before getting married. So, after the wedding, when demands are inadvertently placed on them by their in-laws, they get all worked up. And that consequently places a strain on the marriage.
The little things matter a whole lot more.
The first thing you will most likely realize about marriage after saying I do is that marriage has the ability to magnify. Sadly, it sometimes magnifies the bad more than it does the good. Some people are of the opinion that the best test to take before marriage is to ask yourself whether you could live with someone else forever or if you could put up with his biggest flaw for the rest of your life. While that is a great test to take, you should know that it is the little things you have to look out for. In the day-in/day-out of marriage, the little things and the little annoyances have the tendency to add up and run you crazy. They will become so magnified such that they will be all you see. If those seemingly small, silly things get on your nerves before marriage, they will tear those nerves right out your skin after marriage.
You become a part of a ‘we’
Being part of a permanent team has its benefits. You have someone to rely on, a constant support system. Your husband is literally there to hold your hands through life’s challenges. On the flip side though, when you get married, you have to put the marriage above everything else. You stop coming first; your marriage does. Those days of you being single and “free” become a very far away memory. You literally never have to take a decision alone ever again. That’s a great obligation that you have to be sure you are ready to take on.
Marriage is truly a sweet thing. A beautiful thing in fact. But being stuck in a marriage you have no business being in is one of the most awful things anyone could ever experience. You will do well to make the decision as wisely and as cautiously as possible.